So, I know blogs can be kind of basic bitch. I really only started this up to write how I feel because I’m not always very good at or able to vocalise my emotions. I don’t feel like talking helps me very much; my words get jumbled up in my mouth sometimes or the words are all there in my head and I just can’t get them out. Typing or writing, however, makes me feel like I’m doing something; it’s productive and I feel relief afterwards. Aimless typing seems to be my release. It was meant to be for my family who live in Sweden (apart from my Dad’s side who live in America as will my little brother Max later this year, and my big brother Stellan and his family who live in Dubai) and my closest friends who have asked for a better understanding of what is happening and how I’m feeling. I haven’t really expected many people outside of that to read any of my ramblings, but I’ve been so taken aback at the amount of people who have contacted me to say they have and what a great thing they think it is. I’ve been told on various occasions how “brave” opening up like this is. I’m not sure I agree with that, but I really appreciate that it may seem that way.
I recently received anonymous feedback from someone (I’ve pasted it below) who has read my blog from the contact page, and it very nearly reduced me to tears. I’m sorry that I don’t know who you are to thank you for your words, but I’m very grateful that you’ve read this and it’s had the impact that it has. Sometimes I feel silly writing what is happening in my life and how I’m feeling on here, but to get some encouragement from someone who is outwith my inner circle was so lovely and so unexpected, and it’s made me feel better for doing this. Thank you.
“Hey. I wanted to reach out to say I think you are incredible for what you have been through and how you are still functioning. I’ve read from your blog posts that you seem to be negative about yourself at times, you’ve spoken about feeling and actually acting on giving up. I don’t blame you. And I don’t think anyone else will. The humour in some of your posts is brilliant and there has been a couple of times that your anecdotes and style of writing has had me laughing aloud, thanks! Your more serious posts are written with such honesty and eloquence and I hope you don’t mind me saying that for someone who (I’m assuming, sorry if it’s wrong) doesn’t have English as their first language it’s fantastic. You talk a lot about damage you have done to others with your actions but I don’t see how anyone could be anything but proud of you for all you have gone through and are overcoming. You are doing it in the best way you can and I have no doubt that you are nothing but a credit to your friends and family. I’m sorry your family aren’t closer to you, that must be very hard. It sounds like you have excellent support though and your friends sound as brilliant as you do. I don’t talk very much about how I feel either and I haven’t been through anything remotely close to what you have but you have inspired me to be more open. I enjoy reading your blog and keep up to date with it. I hope you will continue to write as well as continue to heal and grow. Good luck in your new career direction and I hope it brings you everything you hope it will. My best wishes. R.”
Whoever and wherever you are, “R”, I wish you all the very best too.