Two guys, a girl, a piano and a morbidly obese cat: premise to a sitcom or a dodgy porno? Neither actually, we’re moving back to Hackney from Camden and oh lordy I couldn’t be more glad. Don’t get me wrong, Camden has been an interesting change of scenery and pace over the past year and a bit but it’s time for a change.

I’ve lived in East London since I moved here apart from our recent Camden escapade, and I’ve lived with the same two guys for nearly the full time. We’ve kind of become the most reluctant three amigos you could get, along with our cat Fat Alan (who I greatly dislike for the most part). We’re all fairly different people. We consist of a hyper-sexual Solicitor, a miserable manchild Chef and whatever I am (Crazy Swede with a heart of gold behind a sullen exterior?). We clash essentially all of the time, but truthfully it’s all good vibes even if we won’t always admit it. In particular, my housemate Dave and I get on incredibly well despite acting like an old married couple; we bicker all the time and we’ve been compared to Leon & June from Gogglebox more times than I care to mention. I, for one, am annoying as fuck to live with; I’m bossy, petulantly particular about where things live, my vinyl collection is now invading nearly all communal areas (bathroom is next), my “Scandi shite” is everywhere and being the cynical bastard that I am I keep a running list of all the things in life that I hate and keep it in our kitchen*. I guess you must be wondering why we all actually continue to live with each other? Well, I suppose I’d liken us to an old married threesome – we don’t have sex and we stay together because it works.

Moving is quite a significant step for the three of us with everything that has happened since January and our relationship and general atmosphere is lifting already. I know it will take time for things to feel “normal” again but moving house feels like a step in the right direction. In case you were wondering, the significance in us moving is because my attack took place in our home – in my bedroom, by a now ex-housemate who my housemates were friends with. Shitty, huh? We did discuss going our separate ways, in terms of our living arrangements, but we know we work well together and we agreed that doing that would only be letting the situation win. I’m glad we agreed staying together; as much as I complain about and at my housemates, I love them very dearly, and they’ve been a huge part of my life since I lived here. I will miss this house actually, it’s pretty beautiful and it’s in a nice area. I’ll shed a tear at the loss of the dishwasher too #firstworldproblems.

I hope with each new step and change made that it’s a step in the right direction for myself and those that have been immediately affected by what happened. I think some people tend to forget the “knock on” effect that something like this causes; it’s like seismic waves. That is something that makes me feel guilty, that what has happened to me has hurt others too. It’s unfair and unnecessary, and makes me even more angry that some people can be so abhorrent in their actions with little care or regard to just the amount of hurt they cause. I hope in time I won’t always be so angry, I hope I can find forgiveness in myself towards this person but I don’t think I’ll find it until I forgive myself.

Alongside the move, I’ve taken on a new side project to tide me over until I begin teaching and I’ll probably keep doing it then too. I recently gave up the ghost and bought the piano in our house from our landlord (which is moving with us), and I’ve been doing lessons. I have quite a few people I teach to so far, all with varying abilities, and I’m really enjoying it. I play all the instruments that I do by ear, so to be playing by sight is good practice for me too. It feels good to have a creative outlet that others are benefitting from, and it’s actually excellent exposure therapy for my OCD with having to touch people’s hands and sit in a very close proximity to them.

I feel quite good lately; I feel like things are moving in the right direction. The trial for my rape case is coming up very shortly, and that is weighing very heavily on me. I can’t wait until it’s over, and hopefully with the verdict and sentence to reflect the crime.




*Most of my friends and family know about “the list”, but if you need something both miserable and relatable to look at here’s just a snippet: 

• “Stop and Chat” and general small talk. This is an absolute no-go for me. In absolutely no circumstances should you approach me for general chit chat bullshit. At best you’ll get some serious side eye and a very blunt reply but this can also be one of the few times I’ll pull the foreigner card and do my best “Sorry I no English so good” if I really don’t feel like giving you the benefit of the doubt.

• When you’re sitting at a table about to eat some food and someone diverts their sneeze/cough/bubonic plague away from their plate (cool) but instead directs it towards you (NOT cool).

• Ed Sheeran.

• When you hear someone giving out their email address and they say “It’s all lower case” IT DOESN’T MATTER. I actually interjected a conversation at a shop till a few weeks back when someone was signing up to marketing emails to say this, safe to say they weren’t best pleased at my interruption. Sorry for trying to give you some knowledge for the future lady.

• Anyone that doesn’t like Billy Joel. I’ll tell you one thing: these people certainly did not start the fire.

• Sitting opposite a manspreader. Like, why? Stop forcing me to stare at your genital region. It’s a magnetic pull that’s almost as strong as not being able to look away from dogs that have human size balls. EURGH.

• People that say things like “Oh HehAHehah, we must stop meeting like this!” – yes we must, fuck off.

• “You look happy”/”Smile, love” – said in a sarcastic manner. I genuinely cannot help that my face depicts something resembling both total boredom and rage. I’m not always completely grumpy, but saying one of those absolutely will make me.

• Slow walkers. Enough said. Move bitch, get out the way.

• Most social media, especially Snapchat and instagram. I have come off all forms of social media now (including facebook) and oh my fuck, I couldn’t be happier about it. I hate people that spend all their time on it, and it’s generally how I decide if you’re going to be a potential suitor or not. Get a fucking grip.


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