Contingency Plan

I’m feeling a bit unsettled at the moment because I don’t really know what I’ll be doing or where exactly I’ll be over the next six or so weeks. I hate the fact that I used to be so laid back to the point of being like a human sloth and now I get so anxious about not having a set routine in place.

My case goes to court this coming Monday, and depending on the plea made on the day depends on where I’ll be and what I’ll be doing. Knowing what the individual in question is like, I’m fully expecting it to go to a trial but I don’t know how long it will last. I suppose it just depends on the arguments being made by each side, the evidence being given and how long it will take a jury to come to a verdict. I don’t have to go to the hearing on Monday, but I’m going to. I feel like I need to. It will be the first time I’ve seen him since January, and I feel like I need to see him. I’m classed as a “vulnerable witness” as it is a rape case which means things can be put in place during a trial to keep my anonymity or so that I don’t have to see the defendant. I don’t want that either, I know him and he knows me. If it goes to trial and I have to give evidence, I’ll do it in the court room the same as anyone else.

After the hearing or trial I’m going to be going home for a few weeks which I really can’t wait for. My older brother and his family have said they will come back from Dubai to see me for a little bit which I’m really excited about. My little brother is also moving to America for University later this year so it might be my only chance to see him at home before this happens. After this, I’m going to head over to the States – first to stay with my Aunt and Uncle in New York for a week and then I’m heading over to the West Coast to stay with one of my best friends from University for a week. Then it’s back to reality and time to start teaching.

Knowing that I have these nice things to look forward to after this is good source of motivation for me, but the uncertainties of the where’s and when’s bother me and make me feel quite panicked. I think I’m also getting overwhelmed by all the travelling which normally wouldn’t bother me as I’ve spent the majority of my adult life on planes, but I’m worried about my reactions to certain situations that I might not have control over.

I guess I just need to keep trying to remind myself that doing these things are all for the greater good of my own wellbeing and it’s nothing to be scared of. I’ve done it a thousand times before, so I can do it again.


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