Trial and Error

After a five day trial, today the Jury announced that they could not reach the Majority condition of 10-2 set by the Judge, and so to they became a hung Jury. This means it has become a mistrial, and the case is therefore dissolved. He is neither guilty or not guilty. He has won on a pure technicality and I’ll never know the numbers. It could have been 6-6 or 9-3, and it’ll eat me up never knowing who thought he was not guilty. As for the guilty plea to ABH, the Judge has passed an eighteen month suspended sentence to be served in the community with the conditions that he has no contact with myself or the witnesses, he attends a behavioural rehabilitation course and adheres to a curfew. The sentence was discounted down from two years due to his guilty plea. Essentially, providing he keeps his nose clean for the next eighteen months he has gotten away with both charges. He smiled when the mistrial was announced. He shook his lawyers hand at the end, and hugged his Mother.

I don’t really have any words. To say I feel totally and completely let down by the so-called Justice system is an understatement, and it feels so hard not to let this affect my faith in people. I feel like everything that has happened since January has been all for nothing, and so has been putting myself through this trial. I wish I never bothered and I so easily see how most rape victims don’t report it, or don’t press charges.

I just cannot comprehend that I live in a society that allows men like him to get away with punishment on technicalities. He played the system to his advantage and it worked. What else can I say about that? I’m so lost, and I’m so hurt.

My lawyer apologised to me about the result. It wasn’t his fault – I felt well represented by him. But somehow “I’m sorry” just doesn’t come close. It doesn’t even cut it. Unfortunately we were just up against a lawyer that knew how to play dirty and loved nothing more than to remove context. I wonder if he’ll think about me tonight when he’s at home watching television. Of course he won’t – neither of them will.

The CPS will not be applying for a retrial, so there is nothing else I can do. I could push for a case in the civil court, but let’s face it – this has cost me enough between actual finances and emotionally. I feel as ashamed and humiliated as I did in the aftermath of the rape. I think I’m done.

So, now I’m left to just move on with my life.

My flight is booked for tomorrow.

I’m going home.



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