I haven’t written for a while, really, because I’m at home and haven’t felt the need to. I think being at home is doing me wonders though, I feel so much more secure and settled here. I thought for quite a while about moving back, and I need to keep reminding myself that my life is in London even though the thought of that sends me into an anxiety attack. I hope some more time can stop this.
I had my first few flashbacks since being home over the past few days and it’s really put me on edge. I was out in the city on Wednesday night and someone quite vigorously grabbed my ass – something that would normally warrant a swift “Fuck off”, but this time had me running to the restrooms to have a panic attack. I think this has been the trigger for how I’ve been feeling over the past few days.
I am (hopefully) temporarily without passports, so once this has been sorted this week I’m looking forward to my travels for the next while. My first stop is New York, to my Aunt’s for my cousin’s wedding and then from there it’s San Francisco, Las Vegas, back to SF, driving down to LA and then back to Sweden. When I’m back in the UK I’ll be spending a few weeks in Manchester as part of training/qualification for teaching which I’m quite nervous about as I don’t know the area or anyone from there really.
I hope this all means that things are falling into place and I can give myself some time to reset.